2009 is Cached: Not Another Reflective Post

I thought about doing one of those year-end recaps, but I'm over 2009. It wasn't especially bad or good, I'm just over it and more than ready to look forward.

A couple things to work on for 2010:

-I'm not really in bad shape when it comes to health and fitness so I don't feel the need to burden myself with some sort of workout resolution. I'm good about keeping myself in check. When the extra pounds start to push 5 or higher I work on it. Otherwise I just go as I feel like it.

-I cooked a lot last year and I plan to keep it up. I'd like to thank allrecipes.com for constantly giving me the confidence to tackle new things.

-Currently, I need to try to avoid becoming a gossipy old woman from a Jane Austen novel. I like making friends and I like when people feel close to me. One cheap way to do this is to put myself dead in the center of everything whether I belong there or not. A few weeks ago I tried to set up two coworkers. I regularly pass on juicy information to friends with relish. I've been trying to cut this habit for decades. It's dangerous territory and the instant I suffer any backlash I want out and immediately regret my decision to open my big mouth. I need to try to cut back on this ASAP. (I'm realistic. I know I can't give up gossip...it's a little essential to having friendships with girls. But I need to stop throwing myself into it with such abandon.)

-2010 is the year I finally get a good job. It just has to be. I'm tired of living at the poverty line and limiting all travel because I can't afford any frivolous expense.

Other than those things I can't think of any life plans worth noting. I'd like to get to Chicago for a visit and I'm still juggling plans to get to Paris (all of this is conditional on the good job plan).

Winter in Texas

The past two weeks have been cold. Like 43 degrees right now cold. But the high on Sunday is 71 so go figure.

Last year we had 1/10th of an inch of snow. People talked about it for days afterwords. This year there was a point a week ago where the prediction was 1-2 inches and everybody began discussing plans about school closings.

It's a lot to get used to after living in Chicago. Chicago residents wear their winter misery like a purple heart. You are not able to talk about snow/winter/cold with anyone from Chicago without them feeling an immediate need to one up you. This is because Chicago winter starts in December and lasts until approximately May. The only way to rationalize living in a place with six months of hats+gloves+scarves every single day is to take some sort of sick pride in it.

I've adjusted to the parallel universe of Texas pretty quickly. I now get cold when it dips below 60. I feel thrilled when I have an opportunity to wear one of the 7 winter hats I collected from living "up north." And when it comes to missing my purple heart, I just look forward to summer. Last summer we had over 50 consecutive days of 100+ degree heat.

1 Hour for Kids

This United Way initiative has been my sole focus as an Americorps VISTA. My work days are 99% devoted to it (and 1% devoted to finding free food in the office kitchen). Check out this fantastic 10 minute video that explains why it's so important to mentor a middle school student.

this is not my beautiful house

I'm having one of those "somehow I'm in Texas, about 900 miles from where I grew up, living in an apartment with my boyfriend of 8+ years and our dog, with a Masters degree, earning $909/month" kind of moments.

One thing that I've found, and I'm finding this is common among my friends, is that because I never set specific, achievable goals for myself I feel in this constant state of disbelief and uncertainty....disbelertainty. I never set out a plan beyond finishing college. It wasn't like:

1) 22 = finish college

2) 23 = land high-paying dream job making leather shoes that turn into gloves that turn into purses

3) 24 = get engaged

4) 25 = get married

5) 26 = get house

6) 27 = get pregnant

So now I'm wondering how I got exactly where I am, if this is satisfactory, and where I go next. Even now, on year 27, I'm uncomfortable setting a plan for myself into the next year. Is it because I think I'll fail or is it because I've done okay so far...why start planning now? I tend to go one or two days at a time. I have no idea what I'm doing next week unless I look at my Outlook calendar.

It's interesting that despite all of this I still attempt to compare myself to other people. I mean other people chart different plans for themselves, maybe even the year by year plan like the one I outlined above, so what's the sense in judging myself by their plan? I need to assess myself and figure out want I want. I need to take stock of where I am and where I've come from to figure out what makes sense for me going ahead.

The weird thing is that not only can't I look forward but I can't look back especially well either. Before I call my parents (on a weekly or every other weekly basis) I always think, "okay, what has happened that I can tell them" and I find it a little stressful.

I find myself feeling pretty out of control of my life. Things happen to me about 70% of the time and the other 30% I actually feel like I have some agency. So with these percentages I end up thinking, "Why set goals when ultimately most things I want are someone else's decision?"

Examples:

1) I want to get published.

-Editors decide this.

2) I want to work at a youth-focused nonprofit.

-Hiring managers decide this.

3) I want to own a house.

-I'm not even sure who decides this...banks? This is how far I am from even starting this goal.

I guess this rambling has left me pretty certain I should set goals but also pretty certain I'm not going to. So where does that leave me? Hmm...

Correction

Okay...this is NOT just a Texas thing (I particularly like the Michigan one).

"Did you know this about Texas?" Item two

Texas tattoos. They. Are. Everywhere. This isn't just for sports-crazed 300 pound men either. I personally have met one woman with a Texas tattoo who has no attachment to any Texas team. She just loves this state that much. I can't think of any other place in the US where this urge to get your state tattooed on you occurs. Please correct me if I'm wrong.

"Did you know this about Texas?" Item one

Everyone knows about Texas toast, but did you know what else this great state offers? H-E-B (our mega-grocery store chain) sells Texas-shaped chips. It took about year for this to not seem weird. Now I don't think about it until someone visits and I realize "Yeah, I guess it is strange to have a chip purposely shaped like your state." I don't imagine Missouri chips would sell all that well.