1 Hour for Kids

This United Way initiative has been my sole focus as an Americorps VISTA. My work days are 99% devoted to it (and 1% devoted to finding free food in the office kitchen). Check out this fantastic 10 minute video that explains why it's so important to mentor a middle school student.

this is not my beautiful house

I'm having one of those "somehow I'm in Texas, about 900 miles from where I grew up, living in an apartment with my boyfriend of 8+ years and our dog, with a Masters degree, earning $909/month" kind of moments.

One thing that I've found, and I'm finding this is common among my friends, is that because I never set specific, achievable goals for myself I feel in this constant state of disbelief and uncertainty....disbelertainty. I never set out a plan beyond finishing college. It wasn't like:

1) 22 = finish college

2) 23 = land high-paying dream job making leather shoes that turn into gloves that turn into purses

3) 24 = get engaged

4) 25 = get married

5) 26 = get house

6) 27 = get pregnant

So now I'm wondering how I got exactly where I am, if this is satisfactory, and where I go next. Even now, on year 27, I'm uncomfortable setting a plan for myself into the next year. Is it because I think I'll fail or is it because I've done okay so far...why start planning now? I tend to go one or two days at a time. I have no idea what I'm doing next week unless I look at my Outlook calendar.

It's interesting that despite all of this I still attempt to compare myself to other people. I mean other people chart different plans for themselves, maybe even the year by year plan like the one I outlined above, so what's the sense in judging myself by their plan? I need to assess myself and figure out want I want. I need to take stock of where I am and where I've come from to figure out what makes sense for me going ahead.

The weird thing is that not only can't I look forward but I can't look back especially well either. Before I call my parents (on a weekly or every other weekly basis) I always think, "okay, what has happened that I can tell them" and I find it a little stressful.

I find myself feeling pretty out of control of my life. Things happen to me about 70% of the time and the other 30% I actually feel like I have some agency. So with these percentages I end up thinking, "Why set goals when ultimately most things I want are someone else's decision?"

Examples:

1) I want to get published.

-Editors decide this.

2) I want to work at a youth-focused nonprofit.

-Hiring managers decide this.

3) I want to own a house.

-I'm not even sure who decides this...banks? This is how far I am from even starting this goal.

I guess this rambling has left me pretty certain I should set goals but also pretty certain I'm not going to. So where does that leave me? Hmm...

Correction

Okay...this is NOT just a Texas thing (I particularly like the Michigan one).

"Did you know this about Texas?" Item two

Texas tattoos. They. Are. Everywhere. This isn't just for sports-crazed 300 pound men either. I personally have met one woman with a Texas tattoo who has no attachment to any Texas team. She just loves this state that much. I can't think of any other place in the US where this urge to get your state tattooed on you occurs. Please correct me if I'm wrong.

"Did you know this about Texas?" Item one

Everyone knows about Texas toast, but did you know what else this great state offers? H-E-B (our mega-grocery store chain) sells Texas-shaped chips. It took about year for this to not seem weird. Now I don't think about it until someone visits and I realize "Yeah, I guess it is strange to have a chip purposely shaped like your state." I don't imagine Missouri chips would sell all that well.

Austin City Limits 2009

You know who always puts on a good show? The Yeah Yeah Yeahs. Karen O is basically a broadway star. She believes strongly in a great performance full of costume changes and dramatic movement. I saw Yeah Yeah Yeahs at Lollapalooza a few years back, but I must say that I think she outdid herself at ACL this year. When I go to see a concert I really value the performance aspect. It doesn't matter how artistically interesting the music is, if I'm at a show I want to see a show. This holds especially true when it's in a festival setting. At any given time you're weighing the option of seeing three different bands. If somebody is just going to stand up there and play something exactly as it sounds on your stereo, you're going to get tempted to leave. ACL was especially rough because the weather was crazy. Day one = sunny and 80 degrees, Day two = rain, rain, rain pretty much all but two hours of the day, and Day three = mud pit. I'd like to say that I surrendered to the festival spirit, stripped to my underwear, and rolled in the mud but I ultimately revealed myself as the true prude that I am and only dabbled in some barefoot strolling (because the mud kept sucking off my flip flops). I did hang in there like a trooper though and stayed ten hours in the rain on Saturday and six hours in the mud on Sunday. I saw Dr. Dog, The Knux, Prescott Curlywolf, Phoenix, Daniel Johnston, Them Crooked Vultures, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Mos Def, Ghostland Observatory, Toadies, Dirty Projectors, Dead Weather, and heard some of Girl Talk and Pearl Jam from my volunteer shift. Yes, I volunteered. I don't know why more people don't do this. I signed up to volunteer for Fun Fun Fun Fest next month. I mean, how could I turn down a chance to see Danzig?

Sundays mean...

-making coffee to give Zach the motivation to get out of bed before 11.

-taking Anna to the dog park

-making sun tea on the porch

-checking PostSecret

-cooking biscuits and gravy with Zach

-vacuum

-dishes

-laundry? (not this week)

-watching movies from the library (Man on Wire? Eagle vs Shark?)

-going to Newflower Market (spinach, bell peppers, cheese, walnuts, apples, meat, maybe some asparagus)

-choosing between chicken pasta or a pizza kit for dinner while watching cartoons (simpsons, family guy, etc)

-reading (The Emperor's Children by Claire Messud)

-asleep by 11:30